The Horror of another Black Library Rejection. AKA A tale of open windows

 

    So once again we have passed through the open window period of Black Library's open submission. This time they asked authors to flex their skills at writing a horror piece. They had different categories to choose from, but beyond that they allowed authors to choose any Warhammer setting. As luck would have it I had completed a short horror work for a story comp. I decided to take that work and retool it. For comparison I will post the original work as submitted to the first story competition now. 

CURIOUS SCRIPTURE – (1000 words)

 

“Oh they know my dear, they can see everything” the singsong voice tittered in Johaanus’s ear. Just remain calm, they know nothing Johaanus thought to himself as the skin across his chest seemed to writhe. The table before him was a collection of the highest authorities of the scriptorium. The rotund prefect archivist brother Hingel sat opposite, his multiple chins quivered when he coughed. Curator Aurelius, a wizened mixture of augmetics and pale skin sat to Hingel’s left side. Aurelius absently handed off a data slate to a skull faced cherub who flittered away to deliver the device to whoever awaited it. Johaanus sweated beneath his scribe robes despite how cold the room was. He stifled a shiver at the sensations wracking his body. Of late they had been hard to control. Ever since he had discovered the texts. He shook the thoughts from his mind. They cannot know he reminded himself. However as the new figure strode to take a place at the table doubt crept into Johaanus.

The newcomer, Johaanus had learned from a menial, was Master Augustus Craine. He had arrived and immediately been able to call both Hingel and Aurelius to heel. This alone spoke to his authority. He had been stalking the halls of the scriptorium for days. He had interrogated other scribes and menials and now Johaanus had been brought in for questioning. ‘Oh they know little mortal’ came the unearthly voice. Johaanus flinched as the pink skinned lithe figure slid from an alcove and shadowed Master Augustus as he took a seat. Johaanus did all he could to remain impassive. He knew that only he could see this creature. He had seen it ever since he had read from those restricted texts. He inwardly cursed his own curiosity that had led to his predicament. His chest writhed again. The stigmata had manifested only that morning and would react to the presence of the creature. Master Augustus sat down and the dim light of the dozens of candles danced across his deeply lined face. His eyes burned into Johaanus, and a knot formed in Johaanus’s throat. He watched as the creature leaned in to regard Augustus. “My my such a serious man” the creature clicked its tongue disapprovingly the winked at Johaanus and a long blue black tongue flicked out from its mouth and dragged its way along Augustus’s face. The Master however did not react in any way. Of course they could not see the creature Johaanus assured himself.

“Tell me scribe Johaanus have you any idea why you are here today?” Augustus asked with a flint like voice. The strange creature gave the young scribe a knowing look. Johaanus ignored this and inclined his head as he feigned ignorance. Hingel gave a cough that appeared momentarily like a snort of laughter, though his face betrayed no mirth. A cherub landed on the table and deposited a goblet before Aurelius who snatched it up and drained it quickly.
“You lie poorly Johaanus” Augustus said without preamble, and Johaanus felt his skin crawl whilst the creature turned its black eyes on him with a look of amusement. “They have seen you” the creature cooed at him.  

Johaanus genuflected in apology as sweat began to run again. He offered sincere apologies but restated his ignorance for this meeting’s purpose. His mind was racing. He spared a glance up and saw Aurelius draining a second goblet. Red wine spilled from the corners of his mouth. The dancing candle light making the scene appear macabre. The creature appeared at the wizened man’s side and helped tilt the goblet up to Aurelius’s lips. Hingel gave another snort but when Johaanus looked over his face remained impassive and his jowls gave a small twitch. Augustus placed both hands flat upon the table and began.

“You are a scribe, barely above a novice, and you did not want to wait” He paused to glare at Johaanus. “You wanted more so you decided to steal into the stacks in the dead of night” he continued and stood up from the table the creature moving to his side. Johaanus felt his heart pounding, the stigmata was burning now. It took everything not to wince. Another cherub deposited another goblet and Johaanus hid his amazement at Aurelius’s thirst.
“He’s right you craved more” the creature teased and stalked sinuously behind Augustus, the creature’s shape blurring between male and female.
“You stole into the restricted section and began to read that not meant for you” Augustus continued his attack on the scribe. Again Hingel snorted laughter from a blank face, and Aurelian drank. Johaanus was panicking now. He was sure sweat showed on his face. “Tell me did it satisfy you?” August demanded. The creature seemed to swim around Augustus, it came to wrap itself around Augustus in a completely vulgar way. It nuzzled into the small of his neck and ran fingers through his hair. Augustus appeared completely oblivious to all of this. Aurelius was now surrounded by goblets and red wine stained the front of his robes. Hingel’s jowls seemed to jerk and spasm. Johaanus’s attention snapped back to Augustus. He was about to stammer a protestation when he saw it. Augustus’s hand held the hip of the creature pressed against him. The scribe saw a wicked grin break across the Master’s face.  His mind reeled as he tried to make sense of it. He had seen the creature since he had read from the grimoire, but only he had seen it and now Augustus.
“You can see it” Johaanus blurted out. A bubbling laughter came from the table and Johaanus recoiled at what he saw. A second slavering maw had been concealed beneath Hingel’s blubbery second chin. “We can all see it Johaanus, just as we see you” Hingel laughed and as he did so he opened his robe to show the same stigmata that Johaanus bore. A curling crescent blue purple welt. Augustus laughed, Aurelius slurped wine and Johaanus screamed.

    Well as one could expect this piece was knocked back. Although I was told it was 'well written', and that it was an 'intense and enjoyable read'. Still a knock back is a knock back and amongst the feedback I was told that the cast of characters was perhaps a little too large in such a limited word count. Something If I am to be honest I struggle with. I tend to want to create sprawling casts of characters, and larger stories. However, It is something that I try to avoid doing now in the my shorter works. Instead focusing in on the more intimate relationships between characters. I was happy to hear that the judges had enjoyed my tale of demonic possession. 

    It was about this time that the open window came around, and I decided to give it a go. I had also connected with author Nicholas Wolf, and he offered to workshop my open submission with me. To say I was stoked is a slight understatement. With his help I chose to focus my five hundred word sample on the dramatic reveal in my initial story. I wanted to amp up the core elements of the horror genre in my story. I wanted a growing sense of unease, or dread. I wanted there to be a rising tension that would build in the reader. Also with Wolf's advice I worked on my formatting.

     It is amusing to note during this period I also entered another short story competition whilst prepping my BL submission. In which formatting would be highlighted in its feedback. I selected this section in order to hit them with the most exciting part of the story. When you pitch you with such a small word count you want to put your best foot forward as they say. So I selected the dramatic confrontation. Wolf helped me a great deal with feedback and work shopping. In fact I would wager he spent more time reading my stuff than my classmates from my university creative writing courses. (Seriously do not go to uni to learn to be a writer). 

    The following is the newly edited and submitted five hundred word extract. 

“You lie poorly, Johaanus,” Augustus said without preamble.  Johaanus’s skin crawled whilst the creature turned its black eyes on him, clearly amused.

            “They cannot see me” the creature cooed at him.

            Johaanus genuflected in apology as sweat began to run again. He offered sincere apologies, but restated his ignorance for this meeting’s purpose. His mind was racing. He spared a glance up and saw Aurelius draining a second goblet. Red wine spilled from the corners of his mouth. The dancing candle light making the scene appear macabre. The creature appeared at the wizened man’s side and helped tilt the goblet up to Aurelius’s lips. Hingel gave another snort, but when Johaanus looked over his face remained impassive. his jowls gave a small twitch. Augustus placed both hands flat upon the table and began.

            “You are a scribe, barely above a novice, and you did not want to wait.” He paused to glare at Johaanus. “You wanted more so you decided to steal into the stacks in the dead of night,” he continued, and stood up from the table, the creature moving to his side. Johaanus felt his heart pounding, the stigmata was burning now. It took everything not to wince.

            A cherub deposited another goblet. Johaanus hid his amazement at Aurelius’s thirst.

            “He’s right,” the creature teased, stalking sinuously behind Augustus, the creature’s shape blurring between male and female. “You craved more.”

            “You stole into the restricted section and began to read that not meant for you,” Augustus continued his attack on the scribe. Again Hingel snorted laughter without moving his face, and Aurelian drank. Johaanus was panicking now. He was sure sweat showed on his face. “Tell me did it satisfy you?” August demanded.

            The creature seemed to swim around Augustus, wrapping itself around him in a completely vulgar way. It nuzzled into the small of his neck and ran fingers through his hair. Augustus appeared completely oblivious to all of this. Aurelius was now surrounded by goblets, and red wine stained the front of his robes. Hingel’s jowls seemed to jerk and spasm.

            Johaanus’s attention snapped back to Augustus. He was about to stammer a protestation when he saw it.

            Augustus’s hand held the hip of the creature pressed against him.

            The scribe saw a wicked grin break across the Master’s face. His mind reeled as he tried to make sense of it. He had seen the creature ever since he had read from the grimoire, but only he had seen it... and now Augustus?

            “Y-you can see it,” Johaanus blurted out.

            A bubbling laughter came from the table and Johaanus recoiled at what he saw. A second slavering maw emerged from beneath Hingel’s blubbery second chin. “We can all see it, Johaanus, just as we see you,” Hingel laughed, opening his robe to show the same stigmata that Johaanus bore: a curling crescent blue purple welt. 

    Whilst this would prove unsuccessful I feel it was a much better piece of writing than the original. With better executed prose, word choices, and structure. It was tighter, or rather leaner than the original. It still had the large cast of characters as when it came down to it, I could not bring myself to kill my children as it were. I enjoyed practicing another pitch. I know that each one helps make me a stronger writer, and that all you need is one yes when it comes to writing. I am currently working on a non fiction pitch for a book I have been working on. So I have learned alot about the process from the Open Window, even if I did not succeed. I also was on a bit of a slump when it came to writing. There is alot to be said for getting constant rejections. Yet, you have to keep trying. As Wolf said 'you need thick skin in writing', and he is not wrong. Regardless feel free to share your opinions and criticisms either here or on my twitter @DanTheGreatGam1 

Cheers again to Nicholas Wolf for all the help it was greatly appreciated. 

As Always remember 
Hospitality is Sacred.