Duty's End, and another entry

 Shortly after the 2019 rejections came out I had become active on twitter and this led me to another opportunity to deploy my Novacastellans into the literary field again. I took onboard the reflections on my Black Library entry, and dispensed with the action instead spending more time on character interactions. I had also been listening to a fair amount of the Horus Heresy books. I became fascinated with a concept that marines are more human than we often consider, and additionally that they may be ultimately faulted. Moreover that they deliberately hide their more relaxed selves from the rank and file 'mortals'. 

The following was the entry I put forward for the competition. 

A triumph, the thought came bitter sweet to Brother Sargeant Nius’ mind. He watched from a gallery of the capital building. Row upon row of battle tanks spewed exhaust in their wake, and Astra Militarum soldiers filed along the roadway in an faceless mass of humanity. Booming warhorns signalled the ponderous approach of Imperial Knights, the hunched metal giants, their skull like deaths heads seeming to leer at the tiny soldiers beneath them. Counting the souls before them like macabre accountants. The triumph was a tool used to meet two goals. To celebrate the achievements of those no longer here, by those that remain, and to send a clear message of Imperial supremacy in the face of humanity’s foes. That the God Emperor’s will and reach are absolute. 
“Emperor’s sake Nius smile before your face cracks” came the grating rasp of a brother astartes. Nius turned briefly and acknowledged the approach of battle brother Domox. He clasped forearms with Domox and gave a bark of laughter.
“Even cracked it would still be more appealing than yours brother, perhaps you should don you helm lest you scare the mortals” Nius retorted as the pair returned to spectacle of the day. The pair fell into a comfortable silence that comes from the bond formed in combat. 

The centre piece of the procession was approaching the capital building. A grand rolling platform of multiple levels like a ziggurat. Gilt in purest gold and built of marble like ceramite. At its zenith a small figure stood locked in chains held in the impassive skull faces of two golden statues. A strange mockery of scale given the triumph procession. The platform was ringed by ranks of Sororitas, their heads bowed and mouths working in silent benedictions of faith, inquisitorial staff spaced throughout their number. An honour guard for a dishonourable man.
“There he is the man that cast a world in blood and fire” Nius said, his tone clear that he did not fully believe what he said. Domox seized on the comment.
“Do I detect doubt brother?” Domox asked placing a hand on Nius’ shoulder plate. Domox’s face was inscrutable. Nius noted the whirs of his comrade’s new bionic arm. A limb lost in the second uprising of the campaign.
“No our course is true, and we delivered the wrath of the God Emperor upon these heretics” Nius replied with steel in his voice, but again he felt that nagging feeling he could not rid himself of. Booming warhorns punctuated the silence.
“We lost brothers in the second uprising after the massacre of the civilians outside of the southern capital” Nius spat the words out. Domox nodded wearily not wanting to revisit this old argument.
“You want the culprit for that abomination brother, he is down there about to receive the Emperor’s judgement at the hands of our chapter” Domox countered and waved his artificial hand at the man upon the platform. As a black clad astartes with a skull faced helm strode towards the condemned man. The civilians packing the streets went up in a wave of jeers and howls. Their boiling hatred towards the defeated heretic leader was nearly palpable.

Far above the crowds and the scenes below barely visible beneath the shifting patterns of his cameleoline cloak laid Berdatus. The scout lay against the cold stone of a skull faced gargoyle. His sniper rifle lay beside him as he scanned the area for threats. His squad had been tasked to counter sniper duty. Despite the rebellion being crushed, the Inquisitors had urged upmost care in the execution of the heretic leader. The wide spectrum listening device swept the crowd and filled his ear piece with a cacophony of voices. A strong wide gust caught him off guard and sent his cloak fluttering in the breeze. His rifle slid sideways and he scrambled to catch it. He was almost unseated from his sniper’s nest by the awkward movement. His earpiece suddenly resolved onto a strong voice.
“I told you to forget it they are dead, and it is over” came a sharp whisper like growl. Berdatus looked down and saw the direction the listening device was pointed. Surprisingly not at the crowd, but capital building. He launched into action. He wrenched up the device and began to scan the building. He feared that the last crazed heretics had positioned themselves for a suicidal attack. He felt his twin hearts pound in his chest. He slid the rifle into a ready position. Then scanned the building around him.
“We slaughtered those mortals, we cannot hide that forever brother” came a second voice in a harsh rasp. Berdatus suddenly froze. His hands clamped down and held the listening device in place as he realised beyond any doubt that he was listening to two of his brother astartes. He manipulated the device to fine tune to pick up the voices. His fingers cranked the dials by minute increments. Until his ear piece gave a pop and the voices came through crystal clear.
“It is of no consequence now brother, soon the arch heretic will be executed and we will be gone from this world” came the first voice. There was the sounds of shifting power armour. Any doubt of his suspicions were gone, and Berdatus knew for sure he was listening to other members of his chapter.

Outside on the platform that stood like an island in a raging storm Chaplain Andel had reached the condemned prisoner. He looked down upon the wretch. He hung slack, only the chains kept him on his feet. He was clothed in ragged scraps of what had once been gaudy red robes. His skin was pale from months spent in captivity with no sunlight. His flesh had been defiled with scars and tattoos shaped in the curling script of the arch enemy. Chaos, its taint was always the same no matter how many times Andel had witnessed it. Corruption. Complete and inevitable corruption of any that allowed it to creep into their soul. Though his mental condition and indoctrination made it impossible to experience fear, he still felt a great sense of unease in the heretic’s presence. As he came to stand beside the man, the heretic raised his head and fixed his gaze about the chaplain. His face was gaunt and his eyes were sunken and vacant. Andel went to the stand before the capital building’s main gallery. There were dozens of leading government dignitaries including the new planetary governor. All present to reassure the citizens here today that order had returned and was secure. Andel chaffed at the gall of it. That sort of complacency had resulted in the uprisings in the first place. Chaos was insidious, it was everywhere and no one was beyond its reach. Afterall the condemned man beside him had been the planetary governor before he decided to serve the arch enemy and plunge his world into chaos. Andel smiled beneath his helm. If nothing else this would serve to as a warning to new governor watching from the gallery. That no one was above the judgement of the God Emperor and his servants. He began his part in this spectacle. A final blast of warhorns silenced the crowd. 

“People of Incendium mark what you see here before you this day” Andel began and started to turn and directed his speech to the assembled crowd. The sea of faces gazed up to him in terror and awe. “This foul servant of the arch enemy was granted the task of serving the God Emperor of mankind, to protect and secure this world” he threw an accusing finger at the shameful husk that hung in place. It was poor drama to Andel, though he did it for the crowd’s benefit. This execution should have been a simple bolt round in some dark cell. But the people of this world needed an outlet for their rage, and an example of Imperial control.
“Given this supreme honour he greedily wanted more power and thus fell to the foulness of the arch enemy, and in his petty ambitions he spat upon his oaths, his responsibility, and instead embraced heresy” his voice came out harsh and amplified through his helmet’s vox grille. The crowd once more rose their voice in a storm of hatred, which Andel silenced with a simple raising of his hand. He had been taught the skills of oration within his order, and knew that in this moment he had the crowd. The would tear their trusted neighbours limb from limb if he demanded it.
“Today we dispense the God Emperor’s justice, Deus Emperator Vult” Andel boomed harshly and the Sororitas and Inquisitorial staff upon the platform echoed his last words. The crowd droning the words in a discordant dirge. He walked around the platform to stand before the heretic.
“Gael Arius Maladon, former planetary Governor of Incedium, you have been judged and found guilty of treason and heresy” Andel addressed the captive directly for the first time. Gael became suddenly lucid and aware of his situation. He gazed around himself and took in his position. His gaze came to rest on the chaplain.
“Ahhh Brother Chaplain Andel the Gods know you and your fate” he croaked in a dry voice.
“My fate is no longer your concern speaker of lies” Andel countered not buying into the ploys of a worshipper of the arch enemy. Andel held out a hand and two Sororitas carried ceremonial sword too large for anyone but an astartes to wield.
“In the name of the God Emperor of mankind, I Chaplain Andel of the Novacastellans sentence you to death” Andel thundered again in a loud voice that was answered by cheers from the crowd. Andel closed his black armoured gauntlet around the grip of the heavy sword, and lifted it free from its bearers who made the sign of the Aquila and fell back.
“Any last jests?” Andel challenged Gael as he prepared to deliver the killing blow. A crooked grin spread across Gael’s face and he looked Andel square in the face.
“Novacastria will be stained by what its sons did on Incendium, and when the sky splits open it will be burned” Gael’s voice seemed to come from multiple speakers, and he was about the laugh when Andel’s blade fell upon his neck and silenced the heretic. The thousands of citizens threw up their voices in a shout of pure joy. Around the streets warhorns began to boom and the bells of basilicas within the capital city rang out. Andel looked down at the severed head at his feet and the grin it still wore.
“Purge this filth with fire” he commanded the nearby Sororitas and walked away. As the click and hiss of flamers were followed by the roar of flames. ‘Novacastria will burn’ he thought to himself, then with a litany of faith he banished the thought from his mind.

“There brother, our enemy is slain at the hand of the chapter, this world returns to the Imperium, and our brothers are avenged” Domox said in an attempt to bring some enthusiasm to his dour companion. Nius continued to watch with a stoic blank expression, Domox saw the flames glinting in his eyes.
“Mayhaps brother” Nius said finally though it held no signs of satisfaction. He turn and clapped a hand upon Domox’s shoulder plate. “Mayhaps my mood shall be less sour when we are again on Novacastria” a small smile finally curling the corner of his mouth. Domox did not betray his relief merely punching a closed fist into his fellow astarte’s chest plate and sighing.
“I told you brother your face would not be made more hideous by smiling for once” Domox drawled sarcastically. The pair strode from the chamber towards their transport to the spaceport.

Berdatus continued to narrow in on his quarry despite every sense screaming in protest at the madness of what he was perceiving. The massacre was pure savage butchery. The depraved act of arch traitors, of cowardly chaos filth. To think that it was done by members of his own chapter was an affront to all he had learned during his time in the chapter, and of what he had been told for so many years growing up on Novacastria. The Novacastellans were just, honourable, and loyal to the God Emperor. If members of the chapter had laid waste to the citizens of Imperium there was clear consequences for them. He gave one last micro calibration and as though fog dissipating before the wind, the voices came in clear.
“There Brother Diocus with a single sweep of a blade the matter is concluded let us be gone from Incendium and speak of this no more” Berdatus knew the name immediately. Brother Diocus was a member of the 5th company who had been in the field of operation closest to the massacre. Grim dread was sinking into his chest like cold talons. There was a sound of disturbance, of pottery breaking and the crunch of ceramite upon ceramite, and a second voice came through defiant and resentful.
“What happens brother Trismescos should I choose not to let the matter end here?” snarled the voice of the second speaker. Berdatus could imagine the scene, the speaker had attacked his brother. The facts continued to build the ugly picture that made up the unmistakable truth. Trismescos was also a member of the 5th company.
“Then we both stand to feel the bite of Andel’s wrath, or should the chapter show mercy be allowed to redeem ourselves in a suicidal quest” spat back Trismescos, his voice sounded choked. “But remember you chose to cover it up” he added quickly.
“We had a duty” retorted Diocus
“Where does that duty end brother? Here because of a few mortals or in glorious redemption elsewhere?” challenged Trismescos.
“I suppose we will see” replied Diocus in a resigned tone. There was the scrape of ceramite and Berdatus knew the pair had separated. The sound of footfalls and the slam of door. Berdatus was left clinging to the gargoyle above a writhing see of humanity, the fervour below nothing compared the turmoil of his own mind. Duty. The word stung him sorely. These were brothers, fellow members of the chapter. The chapter was everything, and yet the chapter were servants of the Emperor as were civilians. Was there a line, a hierarchy that placed duty to the chapter above that to the Imperium? His immediate reaction was a resounding no, but it warred with the chapter indoctrination and its teachings. A harsh crackle in his vox snapped him from his reverie. The general recall to the dropships. There were to return to Novacastria. There such matters would be resolved. A chorus of warhorns echoed with the bells of the city and first thunderhawks shrieked skyward. THE REFLECTION I was lucky on this entry. I was given actual feedback. it was a truly refreshing change of pace. What is more that feedback was overwhelming positive and honest. What was even better it looked like I was on track to have my writing displayed. The feedback was as follows. "We're strong believers in radical candour and want to provide feedback to help your writing stand out. While we enjoyed reading your story, we feel that the conflicts in the story could be tied closer together. The interplay between Nius and Domox was interesting, but we question their role in the story versus Trismescos and Diocus, both of whom are introduced quite late and feel like a missed opportunity to add friction in the story. Their role and the story hook of eavesdropping a private conversation is gripping - we loved it in a Hitchcockian 'Rear Window' sort of way - and we would encourage you to consider how this and Berdatus can carry the story forward. The procession of the traitor is another superb hook, and we enjoyed Andel's role."

Even now I still am thrown onto the back foot reading 'Hitchcockian' ever in the same breath as a description of anything I have created. 

I also agree that Trismescos and Diocus definitely needed more air time in the story. I did end going back and trying to tighten up both of those sections in line with the feedback. I guess I always have a problem that I look at these Novacastellan pieces as part of a larger story. More like exerts from a larger story rather than stand alone pieces so I always tell myself don't worry that will be fixed in the upcoming chapters. Still I was happy to flex my creative muscles in the realm of character interaction, and take a break from the action of 40k.